Boundary Lines

Psalm 16:6
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

God gave me this scripture 15 years ago when I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia. He is once again bringing it back to me. This past week and a half of being very sick have been quite a challenge. It has been years since I have been in bed this sick for this long. Being the rebel that I am, I really struggle with boundary lines. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to push and test them. It was through much wrestling with the Lord that I learned about the pleasant places that God had for me as I walked within those boundary lines. I have experienced a great freedom in Christ as I have walked in them. When I was really sick there was so much that I had to say to no to. This is very hard to do unfortunately in most "Christian" cultures. There is this unspoken pressure as a Christian woman to be able to do and handle it all. Dealing with an illness on top of trying to be the perfect Christian women about drove me crazy. I now look back on this time and my illness with such gratitude. God really used my illness to set me free from so many things... things such as fear of man, pride and the craving of man's approval. It also shattered the lies that there are "perfect Christian women". I have learned through all of this that my standing before God is totally based on Jesus Christ and the perfect life that He lived for me. As much as I would like to believe at times that I can have it all together, the truth is that He is the one who holds it all together for me.

So how does this connect with my illness now and our upcoming adoption? Well, I was quite surprised this morning when God began to reveal to me that I am pushing my boundaries once again. It all started last Friday with a call that our agency had twin 2 year old boys that might possibly be available for us. I immediately went to trying to figure out how to make this happen. I rationalized in my mind that since we had prayed for twins, this must be our boys. I started contacting different organizations to try and get things moving quicker in regards to help financially. From the beginning, we have believed that we are not to go into debt in any way to bring our child home. The truth was that in order for this to happen with these two boys, that would be the case. I tried rationalizing that it is a no interest loan but a loan is a loan!! I have said with my mouth that I am totally fine with it being only one child but this morning the Lord began to expose something deeper going on. I really began to see that my desire for two in some ways is Godly. I mean when there are 4.8 million orphans in Ethiopia, why couldn't we take two. I also know that when we get there and I see the children who still do not have a family my heart is going to break for them. The Lord has continued to remind me that he knows my frame. I believe that I have led a very selfish and closed life for the past several years. I believe that God is calling me to enlarge the place of my tent. I do believe though that He can do that with one child. I am recognizing that some of things that have driven me in the past were beginning to drive me again. I have had a sweet time of fellowship with the Lord as I have repented and once again found delight in the boundary lines that He has drawn for me. As much as I would love to bring home two children, God is going to have to provide in a very clear way in order for that to happen. Do I believe that He can do that?? Absolutely and even if he chooses not I can say with all my heart that my boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places! Thanks so much for your continued prayers as we walk this journey. I will leave you with a quote that a friend posted from a man named Dan Cruver:

What orphans need are churches that are full of people who wake up each morning hearing and rehearsing these amazing words that are declared over them. “You are my beloved child, in whom I am well pleased. Yes, you were once without hope and without God in this world, but I have brought you near, embraced you, by the blood of Jesus. Live in my love as you move out in mission.”

If you are a Christian, God declares these amazing words over you. He doesn’t speak them over you because you have earned them. You could never do enough to earn these words of love. God speaks these words over you because of who Jesus is for you.

This is what God used to expose that I was trying to earn God's acceptance and love through pressing into something that may be outside of the boundary lines of what He has for us.
I am realizing now that loving these children and caring for orphans can only come from a place of understanding how much we have been loved by God. Any other reason that drives us to love them will come up short and not sustain us through the tough unlovely times.